Josh lays two couch cushions on the floor along the wall forming a line with three towels adjacent to the cushions. He tells me, “Mom, ca-me-dow” (a.k.a Mom, call me down). I’m confused beyond belief but I’m so excited he is letting me into his world that I go with it yelling, “Josh, come down!” He yells back, not looking at me, “I cat, I in my teehouse!” (I can’t, I’m in my treehouse). So I yell again, “But I need you.” He says, “Ok, ok, I coming!” He crawls off the cushions, down the towels (a.k.a. the ladder) to where I am standing. He begins scripting about his adventures in the treehouse meanwhile drifting back into his world…without me. I stood there in tears thankful for that intimate two minutes.
Josh is a creative, curious, fearless six-year old; and he has autism. After a child phycologist gave us Josh’s diagnosis, he told us to always remember that the therapists are the “autism” expert but we are the “Josh” expert. Those words helped my husband and I accept the first life changing lesson that raising a child on the spectrum would teach us…patience. Patience as school districts, child phycologists, behavior therapist, neurologist, and all of the other specialists that come into our lives to tell us what Josh is capable of. Patience as Josh slowly proves them wrong. Patience as stacks of paperwork pile up so we can keep important services. Patience as friends and family come to realization that it is ok to talk to Josh, hug Josh, and play with Josh. Patience as children on the playground ask, “Why won’t he answer me?” Patience while waiting for Josh to come out of yet another regression. Patience as Josh’s words come to him. Those are the moments that my husband and I live for. They give us the patience to push through the inevitable tantrum or new mystifying behavior. They give us patience to wait for the next glimpse into “his world.”
In honor of autism awareness month that just past (April), I'm asking for your patience with the mom that has a screaming child in line at the grocery store, the friend who keeps canceling plans because her child is having a "hard day," and the couple that are complaining about being "exhausted." They are learning the same life lesson with their child's journey on the spectrum.
If you have a child on the spectrum in the Placer County area and are looking for support, you are not alone. Email PlacerCAutismFamilyNetwork@gmail.com.
Karen and Clay Bigham
