October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. We would like to think that all of our readers are safe, and have no fears from their partners. However statistically speaking, that is a hopeful dream. Even if you yourself are not, or have not been, a victim of domestic abuse, there is a high likelihood you know of someone that has. There are no socioeconomic boundaries with domestic violence.

That's why we have put together a page with resources to help. These organizations are there to help you navigate your way through leaving your situation, and rebuilding your life. Leaving an abusive relationship can carry it's own risks, because many times the abuser will "step-up" the abuse when there is a threat of leaving. Every situation is different, and as the #whyIstayed movement has shown, there are many reason women stay with their abusers. Know this: if you are in an abusive relationship, you are not alone. There are people and organizations that care and want to help. 

By allowing children to be exposed to this type of situation, it is creating the possibility of a whole new generation of abusers and victims, because children learn from what they see, and will only know what they have experienced watching their parents. Without any other model, they will think this is "normal"

If there are children involved, it can be even scarier. Even if they are not in the room, they hear and see things when they are in their rooms, and can sense the tension afterwards. Some people seem to think that kids don't "notice", but children are acutely aware of what is going on and it can affect them their entire life. I've heard things such as "I don't want them to be from a broken home", or "it's better to have both parents than just one". The problem with this reasoning is that these statements assume the relationship is "normal". Abusive relationships are not normal. 

By allowing children to be exposed to this type of situation, it is creating the possibility of a whole new generation of abusers and victims, because children learn from what they see, and will only know what they have experienced watching their parents. Without any other model, they will think this is "normal". Children who are exposed to domestic violence in the home become fearful and distrusting. They feel isolated because they feel different than their peers. They are at a higher risk for alcohol/drug use, juvenile delinquency, and even criminal behavior as an adult. Besides the psychological problems, children that have witnessed domestic abuse can have a wide range of physical problems as well. To find out more about how domestic violence can affect children, check out some of the sources at the end of this article.

If you know or suspect someone is being abused, what should you do? First and foremost is believe them, and be supportive. Be there when they need you. Not all abusers are "bruisers" who "look the part". One fear some victims have is that they won't be believed because their abuser can be very charismatic, and have many friends. Many abusers are very careful to never leave "physical marks". Some are very careful to never put their hurtful and damaging words in writing. Even when there is a bruise or broken bone, the victim may make excuses for how it happened. After being put down for so long, many start to believe the lies and threats their abusers tell them. Although it can be hard to understand, realize there may be reasons that a person does not feel as if they can leave the situation right away. Everything is not black and white. Immediately after leaving can be some of the scariest times for some victims because their abuser can start stalking and even attacking them. 

Thankfully, places like Stand Up Placer and WEAVE are here to help

Domestic abuse can take on many different forms. It's not just the things you can visually see, such as black eyes, broken bones, or bruises. It can be verbal or psychological. It can be financial, sexual, stalking, humiliation, manipulation, threatening, destroying someone's property, or isolation. To be considered physical it does not just mean being hit. Blocking someone from moving and leaving freely, scaring or following someone, throwing objects, and damaging your possessions are considered physical abuse, too. 

If you are in an abusive relationship, it's important to note that over time, it typically can get worse. In fact, many who start out being verbally and emotionally abusive progressively get more and more physical, starting with throwing things, hitting walls, and damaging your personal property. I can't tell you to "get out now", because I understand every situation is different. What I can tell you is you are not alone. There are people and organizations out there to help. Contact Stand Up Placer, WEAVE or one of the other organizations on our list if you are in, or just gotten out of, an abusive relationship to find the help you need.

Contact Stand Up Placer, WEAVE or one of the other organizations on our list if you are in, or just gotten out of, an abusive relationship to find the help you need.

There is also the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, and a phone app that is disguised to look like the news, Aspire News App, that allows you to call for help at the touch of a button. It is specifically designed to help those that are victims of domestic abuse.

If you are an organization that helps domestic abuse victims, and you are not on our list, please contact us so we can get you added.

These are just a sampling of the many sources on the internet:

Childhood Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Roundtable

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Wikipedia

California Courts

Quick links to get you where you want to go: