Moms need friends.
As first-time moms, mom friends make us feel less isolated. They make us realize that we are not the only ones exhausted, emotional, and scatterbrained. They reply to our messages at 3 a.m. during sleepless nights, they give us great advice, and they don’t judge us or our out-of-whack hormones. They understand and they keep us sane! Having a mom friend can make all the difference in the world when you're a new mom.
However, making mom friends is not as easy as making friends in high school. After all, motherhood is a 24/7 job, and finding moms with similar parenting philosophies and interests is not always easy, plus family schedules may not align. Sadly, there is no secret club where all the nice moms meet.
When my kids were just 2 years old and 8 months old, we moved to Miami. It took me time, effort, and practice, but eventually, I found my mom friend too! She lives on the same street as me and our kids go to school together, but the first time we really talked was one day at the park when our kids started playing together.
Approaching other moms can feel awkward and make you feel vulnerable, but the reward is definitely worthwhile.
Here are five steps to making (and keeping!) mom friends:
1. Get out the door.
This sounds pretty obvious, but it can be difficult! Pull yourself together and go for a walk while your baby sleeps in the stroller. Or find a mommy and me class, or a library class where you might find other like-minded moms. Check out the Macaroni Kid event calendar for ideas on where you can meet other moms.
2. Make the first move.
Don’t be shy. Other moms want to make mom friends too! If you see a mom who seems to be friendly, start a conversation! Make a nice comment about her child, ask her child's name and age, and which neighborhood they live in. Find something you have in common and soon you'll be gabbing away with each other.
3. Exchange contact information.
If the first move went well, don’t leave the next one up to fate! Ask her for her phone number, email address, or how you can find her on Facebook. Or, give her your contact information. To make it even easier for you, we created these super cute printable playdate cards. Print them out and take them with you anytime you go out with your kids!
4. Plan a playdate.
Once you have the other mom’s contact info, plan a playdate at a neutral location, i.e. a playground. Let the kids play while you continue to get to know the other mom with some casual conversation.
5. Follow up!
If you (and your child!) enjoyed the first playdate, plan for the next one. Don’t get upset and don’t take it personally if the other mom is not as proactive as you are. Keep inviting her to do things -- as long as she accepts your invites and you both have a good time. Once you feel ready, suggest a moms' night out!
We should mention: it won't always work out! Don't worry about it. Just move on. Just like dating, friendship takes a lot of chemistry, and sometimes you and the other mom just won't click. It is not the end of the world and it is certainly not a reason to give up. Your mom friend is out there, and with a little persistence and work, you will find her!
Francesca Walker is the publisher of Macaroni Kid North East Miami and Miami Beach, Fla.
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